


the path between us

by avarry



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band), MAS (Korea Band), ONEWE, The Unit: Idol Rebooting Project (TV), UNB (Band)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, junchan if you squint, the choice in me can't help it, the rest of the unit makes an appearance, who am i kidding junchan is almost a side pair, will add tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-05-06 23:51:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14658837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avarry/pseuds/avarry
Summary: It doesn't start right away. He sees him though. With his towering height, he's hard to miss. Dong Myeong doesn’t think about him right away but he stays there in his head until later on, he's all he can think about.





	1. like all the love songs he used to sing

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I've been working on and off for a month now. I wrote this right after re-watching the unit. They're so adorable together I just had to write them.  
> I'm still editing the rest of the fic but it's all written already. If I miss any mistake, please let me know. Also this is my first chaptered fic and the longest one I've written in a while.  
> Not beta-ed.

First of all, Dong Myeong would like it to be known that he is not stupid. He knows that it’s idiotic. He knows ok. His brain understands that whatever feelings blossom and whatever actions are done inside the training camp aren’t real. It will not survive the outside world. He knows.

Logically, he understands it. But Jun… well… In the face of Jun, logic ceases to exist. Everything fades away, swallowed by his personality and his talent and his presence. And well, Dong Myeong is just human. He cannot be blamed if he’s drawn to him. If he’s being poetic he’d describe Jun as the sun and him Icarus, helpless in the face of such a sight.

It doesn’t start right away. The first few days were an exercise in survival. They may have entered the ranks in The Unit but they are far from safe. Every single day feels like it’s going to be their last. There is no time to waste on crushing on anyone. He sees him though, it’s impossible not to. He towers over everyone else but smiles like he doesn’t know if he belongs. Dong Myeong doesn’t think about him right away but he stays there in his head, catching his eye whenever they’re all in the cafeteria together or happen to walk the hallways together.

It’s during the evaluation of the first mission, when Jun and his team stood on the stage that made Dong Myeong pause. He had a cast on his feet but he danced and sang like his life depended on it. For the most part it probably did. After, he heard how each member of the team depended on him and saw him as a light. He was a super boot who decided to team up with those who only had a few boots and those who didn’t even have any. That’s probably what made him a permanent resident in Dong Myeong’s mind. More than his looks and his obvious talent, he was kind and humble and always had a ready smile. Slowly, so slowly that Dong Myeong did not notice it right away, he began to think about him.

It makes him curious enough to observe him. It grows and grows from there. Until finally he realizes, one cold evening as they eat their dinner, when Jun approaches their table and decides to sit beside him, that his heart is beating twice as fast as normal.

_Oh._

It’s not an earth-shattering revelation. But. _Oh._

He doesn’t worry about it though. Everyone in The Unit is a bit infatuated with Jun. He’s just one of the many. It’s just a crush. It’s not like he’s going to confess his undying love or anything.

Dong Myeong just likes to look at him and admire him from afar. If his eyes try to track Jun’s movements whenever they’re in the same room or if his head immediately turns the moment Jun enters the cafeteria, it’s all perfectly acceptable. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. It’s ok. As long as they don’t really spend that much time together, Dong Myeong is safe.

The universe, or Jun (really just Jun) have other plans though. Jun is an overgrown puppy that is not only affectionate to everyone he meets but wanders around like one too. It’s during a lull in the practice when everyone has decided to take break before they collapse from exhaustion, right as he’s fiddling with the keys, trying to memorize the notes, when Jun walks in the room. He calls out Dong Myeong’s name in that affectionate tone he uses on everyone.

His fingers slip on the keys but he does his best to recover. Honestly, this isn’t surprising, Jun is known to wander from one practice room to another, trying to find anything that will entertain him. What’s surprising is that Jun decides to walk up to him and stay. Dong Myeong has a second to hyperventilate _because Jun is talking to him_ before he gives himself a mental shake and tries to compose himself and tries to remind himself that _I am not a freaking high school girl with a crush_.

(Although he is in high school and he does have a crush. BUT not the point.) He goes back to playing the notes putting extra effort to make it look casual and relaxed.

He feels more than see Jun park himself right beside him. Dong Myeong can feel the warmth radiating of him. It really doesn’t help him relax. If anything it puts him on edge. He concentrates on the keyboard. _Right. Music. Music will help him._  And so he plays and plays and Jun talks. He must’ve answered because Jun keeps talking and he hears his voice replying but somehow, it feels like an out of body experience. He wants to pat himself on the back for a job well done because the rest of his brain cells have decided to hide in panic.

The next thing his mind processes is Jun’s retreating back as he leaves the practice room. Dong Myeong has the insane urge to call out to him and make him stay. He squashes the urge and just watches him leave. He sighs, in relief or disappointment, he doesn’t know.

 

The first elimination tastes like bile in his mouth. He can’t say anything remotely supporting or encouraging to his team members. He can’t bring himself to say anything at all. He hugs them all and cries and cries.

He walks along with everyone outside the building. They say their good bye at the parking lot. They hug and whisper encouraging words to him, words that give him enough strength not to beg them to let him go with them. He still doesn’t have words though so he hugs them instead, hoping whatever he can’t bring himself to say can be felt. He promises then that he will do his best to succeed, not just for him but for everyone who’s going home today.

“You’ll do well. We’ll be supporting you,” Yonghoon whispers to him. Dong Myeong nods and uncurls his fingers from where he’s clutched Yonghoon’s shirt. He should be following his leader but he does his best to stay and content himself to waving them goodbye, taking comfort in the fact that he can talk to them later.

He watches them until they leave, their car fading into the distance. He stands there and watches them go, until he can’t even make the outline of their cars anymore. Slowly, the rest of the participants make their way back inside, clapping him on the back and asking him to _go inside, it’s cold out here_. He musters a smile and shakes his head and stays there outside.

It’s a while still when Rockhyeon drapes a jacket on his shoulder. “We can only do the best we can for them. We carry their dreams now so we have to work extra hard.”

Dong Myeong doesn’t respond. Rockhyeon would understand. He just nods and wraps the jacket tighter around him. He didn’t notice the cold before but now that he does, it makes his bone ache. Maybe it’s not just the weather but the whole day that makes everything hurt. He lets himself be shepherd inside and back to the dorm.

 

Jun is standing by the door of his room.

“I’m sorry about your teammates.” Jun doesn’t have teammates here but his eyes are red and swollen. Dong Myeong didn’t think his heart could hurt more than when he had to say goodbye to his team mates, but apparently it can. He feels it breaking a bit more, fracturing into fragments.

“I’m sorry about your friends.” His voice breaks from disuse. He knows that Jun cried for all the people whose dreams of joining the finals ended today.

Jun doesn’t’ reply, just opens his arms. He steps inside and is instantly enveloped in warmth. It chases the ache from his bones. He can stay here in the midst of Jun’s embrace. It feels too long and not long enough.

When Jun finally steps away, Dong Myeong musters a smile. And says his good night before he goes inside his room. It’s been a long and difficult day. He has barely enough energy to walk back to his bed and hide under the covers. Still, as he closes his eyes, he feels a bit better, feels the phantom warmth of Jun’s embrace.

 

For the remainder of the mission, Dong Myeong is able to push Jun and his little crush to the recesses of his mind. He’s so busy and nervous about their song, it almost takes up the entirety of his brain power. Almost. He still has the weird 6th sense when it comes to Jun, his eyes instantly following him as he enters the cafeteria, ears straining to catch whatever he’s saying to his team mates. He tries to be as casual about it as possible. He would like to think that he manages to be discreet about it until Kijoong approaches him after dinner.

“Dong Myeong has a crush!”

Dong Myeong can feel his ears warm. He prays to all the deities that he isn’t blushing. “I don’t know what you mean.”

Judging by the smirk on Kijoong’s face and the glint in his eyes, the deities have abandoned him. “Jun-hyung, Jun-hyung,” Kijoong calls out to Jun from the other side of the cafeteria while staring straight at him.

Dong Myeong can feel his eyes widen in surprise. If he wasn’t blushing before, he’s definitely blushing now. He sees Jun turn to them and Dong Myeong has a split second before he flees. He can hear Kijoong laughing in the background and Jun’s loud, “Yah” before he rounds the corner and dashes straight to their floor and into his room.

He receives a winking emoticon from Kijoong just as he’s about to go to sleep. _I hate you._ Is what he replies.

It’s not even a minute when his phone pings and pings again.

_u luv me._

_But not as much as you luv Jun-hyung_

If DongMyeong is a better man, he would have just ignored it and moved on with his life. But since he isn’t, he wakes Kijoong up by pouring ice-cold water on his face. Mercy be damned.

Kijoong jumps out from the bed so fast he snags his foot on the cover and lands on the floor with a loud thud. When Kijoong glares at him, he just smiles sweetly and leaves the room. Victory has never been sweeter.

 

 

The next mission requires them to produce an album. It’s also a test of strength of heart as people are chosen for their teams. As each go round that his name isn’t called, it’s a punch in his gut that makes him question whether he’s good enough to be here. It’s harsh but he understands. The team leaders need the best of the best in their teams. Dong Myeong understands. Still he feels small and insignificant. He hopes his previous team mates would consider him.

When Jun calls his name, it makes his heart flutter and he needs a moment to check that yes, Jun called him. It wasn’t a figment of his imagination. He’s so happy to be selected that he doesn’t remember the rest of the selection process. He doesn’t’ remember when their team gets completed. All he remembers is the smile on Jun’s face.

 

Practice for this mission is different from all other missions. Their team is made up people who are so talented, it makes Dong Myeong shrink in on himself. They’re not just talented, they’re all so cool and beautiful. He practices as hard as he can, as much as he can so he won’t fall behind. He knows he’s still lacking but he tries his best. The rest are kind enough to help him along the way. He’s grateful.

In between breaks, Jun sits beside him, teases him constantly. Dong Myeong should feel annoyed but he can’t deny the smile that keeps breaking from from his face. Hi gives as good as he gets and tries his best to hold Jun’s attention for a minute more and then another. Sarcastic banter has never been more useful.

He knows he’s hoarding Jun, trying to create memories he can hold onto later on. Moments upon moments built on banter and casual touches. He knows everyone else notices it but he can’t bring himself to care. He’ll be selfish for now.

Jun is affectionate, an arm casually slung over his shoulder. A hug here and there. Casually draping himself on Dong Myeong’s lap, a hand on his hair, a finger tracing his cheeks. He has to remind himself every other second that this is Jun’s normal setting. He’s affectionate to everyone. It isn’t just him. More importantly, it doesn’t’ mean anything.

Like now as Jun tackles Chan to the ground and tickle him until Chan is gasping for breath. It’s normal. Doesn’t mean he likes it but it’s a mantra he needs to remember.

_It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything. Itdoesn’tmeananything. Itdoesn’tmeananything. Arghhhh._

Dong Myeong tastes bile on his tongue. It tastes like jealousy chased closely by guilt. These are his team mates who has been nothing but kind to him. He swallows and averts his eyes and reminds himself to practice instead. When he looks back, they’re leaning against each other, quietly talking, absorbed in their own little world. Dong Myeong reminds himself that it’s nothing.

_It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything. Itdoesn’tmeananything. Itdoesn’tmeananything._

For something that doesn’t mean anything, it does feel like a punch in the gut.

 

Practice is a test of patience as much as it’s a test of endurance. Since he’s playing catch up to everyone, he has to work extra hard. Since he’s harboring a secret crush, he has to restrain himself from doing anyone bodily harm.

Dong Myeong watches in the sidelines as Jun needles Chan into dancing with him and Hansol. It’s a familiar sight. Still, he feels the heaviness settle on his shoulder.

_It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything. Itdoesn’tmeananything. Itdoesn’tmeananything._

At this point he’s a bit afraid that he’ll accidentally sing his mantra during the live. He takes a deep breath and purses his lips.

_It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything. Itdoesn’tmeananything. Itdoesn’tmeananything._

No one notices when he accidentally crumples the lyric sheet he’s holding when Jun starts tickling Chan and Chan lets out a ringing laugh.

“It gets better.” He’s so startled by Junhee’s voice that he ends up letting go of the lyric sheet and banging his hand on the table he was sitting on.

 “Sorry, you looked like you needed a distraction. You were practically glaring daggers at Chan. I’d rather he not die from your deadly stares.” Dong Myeong knows that Junhee is teasing, he has that smirk on his face. He just looks at Junhee, unimpressed.

“Excuse me?”

“You like him. Anyone with eyes can see that.” Junhee doesn’t even have the decency to look at him, just keeps on looking at Chan and Jun who has now moved on to doing push-ups on the floor. “Well, maybe not Jun. He’s a bit oblivious isn’t he?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He picks up the crumpled paper and takes feigns ignorance.

Junhee just hums in reply and doesn’t move, just continues to stare at the impromptu push-up battle that now includes Hangyul and Hansol.

Junhee doesn’t talk anymore and he isn’t about to invite conversation. Or at least he isn’t exactly planning to, until of course he blurts, “What did you say earlier? I didn’t get what it was because you nearly gave me a heart attack.” He also does not look at Junhee, somehow it feels like a secret conversation. He doesn’t understand the need to pretend like they aren’t talking. It’s ridiculous so he moves and sits facing Junhee.

He doesn’t get a reply immediately and for a moment he’s about to ask his question again when Junhee turns to look at him. “It does get better. You get used to it.” Now that Dong Myeong is looking, he sees the lingering sadness in Junhee’s face. It’s in the tightness of his lips and the little furrow on his brows. Now that he looks, he sees Junhee’s hands grip the table so hard, his knuckles have turned white.

When he glances at the rest of his team, he finds Chan now draped on Jun’s back as he continues to do push-ups. They seem to be enjoying themselves. He quickly turns back to Junhee, mantra already starting in his head.

_It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything. Itdoesn’tmeananything. Itdoesn’tmeananything._

Across him, Junhee looks even more unhappy. His pursed lips has now turned into a frown. It clicks then, How Junhee sometimes visits their practice room in the guise of taking a break from practice only to watch Chan dance and sing and be a ball of sunshine, how he sometimes visits their room just to sit quietly beside Chan. How Junhee often sits with Chan in the cafeteria even when they’re on different teams. He could just be an overprotective leader but combining it with his, albeit useless, advice, it makes sense.

“ _Oh._ ”

Junhee turns to look at him and smiles, reaches out and ruffles his hair. He doesn’t have the heart to be truly offended although he does shrug him off. The knowledge that he isn’t alone in his heartbreak makes him feel better. Not that he wants anyone to feel as horrible as he sometimes feels but it does make everything seem more bearable. And so he seats closer to Junhee and shares his mantra.

“You know,” he whispers. “When I’m tempted to do bodily harm on whoever he’s being affectionate with-“

“Flirting you mean.” There’s still tightness in Junhee’s face but it’s colored by mischief, a smirk on his lips.

Dong Myeong isn’t sure if he prefers a smirking or a fuming Junhee. “This list includes your precious Chan you know.”

“When you’re tempted to do bodily harm...” Junhee smiles at him, prompting him to continue.

“I have this mantra. ‘ _It doesn’t mean anything.’_ I just repeat it over and over again until I calm down or until he decides to stop being such an affectionate puppy to everyone else.”

Dong Myeong doesn’t expect a startled laugh from Junhee. He should be offended but he’s a bit glad to make someone laugh. “I forget how young you are. You know what I do? I meditate. Just before I go to sleep. Empty my mind and such.”

Dong Myeong just tsks at him and returns to watching Jun and Chan who has now moved on to animatedly talking.

“I didn’t believe them when they said you were an old man trapped in a young man’s body but I can see it now.” He wrinkles his nose at the thought of meditation. “And excuse me, I’m not that young.” When did this conversation even take a turn for jabs about his age? He’s not that young.

“You are. Enjoy it.” Junhee smiles at him as if reading his thoughts. He turns serious all of a sudden, the playful smirk replaced by pursed lips. Dong Myeong almost reels at the backlash at the change. “Look, I’m not going to lie and say it’s going to be ok but you learn to live with it.” Dong Myeong does not know how to respond to that. It’s honest and to the point. It should be an insult but it feels like a comfort. He may be suffering from a heart ache or on his way to one but he isn’t alone. And so, he slowly nods his head.

When Junhee smiles at him in return. Dong Myeong blinks at the brightness of it. It transforms his face into something beautiful. “You’re gonna be ok kid. And who knows... Maybe one day, the sun will shine on us and they’ll look at us and finally see we’ve been there all along.” He still doesn’t know how to respond but Junhee must not have been looking for one because he pushes away from the table and approaches Chan. He throws Chan a water bottle, a towel and a reminder to rest before leaving their practice room altogether.

Dong Myeong watches Junhee who walks out of the room and doesn’t even look back. When he turns back to Chan, he’s staring at Junhee’s retreating back. Chan stands there watching the empty door, heaves a sigh and turns back to practicing.

Dong Myeong watches and hopes that the sun will shine on Junhee one day. It may not happen for him but he’s glad if it happens for someone else.

 

When they’re called for the announcing of ranks, Dong Myeong can’t help but feel dread. The heaviness in his gut makes him slow his steps, lagging behind everyone else. He knows he isn’t the most skilled person in this show. He had never danced before and even his voice is not at par with the likes of Rockyeon and Je Up. He’s not as cute as Kijoong or as pretty as Chan. Sometimes, he asks himself why he’s still here, why he’s still trying.

He works hard and his desire to succeed is matched by everyone else. He’s probably more enthusiastic than most but enthusiasm can only carry him so far, it’s talent, pure and raw, that makes the cut.

“Hey. You’re going to make it.” Daewon’s voice breaks the dark thoughts cascading in his head. But even his positivity isn’t enough to reassure him but he does nod and forces a smile. “Stop looking so glum. You did a great job. Smile. No matter what happens, you gave it your best so there are no regrets.” His smile this time comes a bit easier, more genuine. Daewon drapes his arm on his back. The weight of it is reassuring.

He sits at the back already anticipating that his name won’t be called. When he is, he can’t help but feel elated. He’s so happy to be safe in the knowledge that he’ll be continuing to participate in putting up and performing amazing songs, that he’ll be continuing to walk the road to his dreams.

When Jun’s name is called, it’s a different feeling. It feels bigger and all-encompassing. He feels his heart brim with happiness. He feels pride even though he had no hand in making him take the top spot. It doesn’t make sense but that’s what he feels and he’s learnt not to look too closely at what he feels lest he go crazy.

Despair closely follows after that as they say good bye to their teammates who didn’t make the cut. He understands that it needs to be done. It doesn’t make it any easier. He doesn’t cry this time though. This time he vows to be the strong one for his friends. He hugs everyone and whispers words of encouragement, not just to the ones going home but to the people who will stay as well.

They don’t practice that night. Not as a group anyway. It’s a free pass to be with close friends and team mates, a few hours of reprieve from the emotional and the physical exhaustion. Hangyul has camped in Kijoong’s room with Giseok to commiserate Taeun going home. Ho Jung is with Timoteo and Han Sol, taking the opportunity to stay together. Jun flits from room to room, offering hugs and encouragement and a shoulder for everyone else to lean on. Dong Myeong stays in their room, going over their song, listening over and over again until it drowns all other thoughts.

Jun comes in to their room around midnight, eyes red and puffy. Dong Myeong looks at him and his heart breaks. He beckons Jun to his side, makes him rest his head on his lap and cards his fingers on Jun’s hair. He sings songs, different songs, songs he half-remembers, until his voice grow hoarse and until Jun falls asleep. When there are no more songs to be sung, and the words run empty. Dong Myeong stares off into space, seeing nothing. His legs have gone numb but he can’t bring himself to wake Jun.

He hears the soft exhalations of Jun and it’s the loudest sound in the room. He listens to it and keeps it in his memory, tries to match every _inhale exhale inhale exhale_. He feels greedy but he can’t help himself. He cherishes these moments when Jun lets himself be vulnerable. The world think he’s impenetrable, a solid rock when Dong Myeong sees he’s still just a kid trying his best to be the dependable hyung. He sees Jun’s heart, too big to fit in his chest, a heart so easily attached to everyone else, so easy to feel that it breaks for the misfortune and sadness of everyone.

Dong Myeong sees him and it makes him fall deeper, makes his insides ache, makes the knife lodge deeper where his heart should be. He knows then, right at this moment, that this isn’t some silly crush, not the innocent admiration he used to have, he knows, without a shadow of a doubt that he’s gone beyond.

Love. The word tastes bittersweet on his tongue.

He should be terrified but he just feels quiet settle over him. It feels like peace, feels like all those love songs he used to sing.

Outside, the night grows deeper. Dong Myeong rests his head on the wall and falls asleep.

 

They practice twice as hard after that. They barely have a break so near to the performance. Everything else not related is relegated to the back of his mind. There’s only dance and sing and dance and sing and try to act tough.

In the silence of the night though, when he lies beside Jun (he’s given up trying to figure out how that one happened), close enough to touch, he lets the thought of every single thing Jun does (a hug, a smile, a peck on his cheek that one time) as deliberate, something that will lead to something real, something that can survive even the harsh scrutiny of the world. He imagines waking beside him in the morning, Jun looking at him with a soft smile tracing his eyes and his cheeks before he leans in and kisses him. He imagines being at the front seat of a U-kiss or even Unit B’s concert (because everyone knows Jun is a favorite and will go on to win this thing) and knowing that the songs and the words Jun are singing are just for him. He imagines just walking down the road, holding hands and just being together. He imagines loving him and being loved by him.

Dong Myeong knows these thoughts are not just stupid but dangerous. He knows he’s setting himself for a heartbreak so tragic he isn’t entirely sure if he’ll ever recover. Still, he looks at Jun and dreams.

 

They win the mission. They shoot the MV and do interviews and perform on Music Bank. Each experience feels like a new high, a level unlocked. (That reaction video to the stage though was nerve-wracking. He sees himself on the video constantly looking at Jun, and he wonders if he’s that obvious.) When they’re finally done, they get dinner together, celebrating their success. They tell untold stories over grilled meat and chicken. They share laughter. Dong Myeong can feel the happiness radiating off of everyone. Most especially though, he can feel how proud Jun is. He picked this team, called out each of the names and took responsibility for them. Right now, Jun is smilng so wide, Dong Myeong fears he might tear something. He’s smiling so bright he looks so beautiful. Right now, Jun is the brightest thing in the room. Dong Myeong has to remind himself to turn away every few minutes because staring at someone so openly isn’t exactly normal. When they get back to the dorms for their hard-earned rest, he feels ecstatic for the first five minutes before reality settles on him once again. _The mission is over._ No more practice together and late nights and shared rooms. It’s over. This is the last night they’ll be sharing this room before the rank announcement.

He wants to panic but when Jun just smiles at him and tells him to go to sleep, he breathes just a tad bit easier. He lies down beside him and memorizes Jun’s sleeping face.

 

The announcement of the final 18 makes his teeth grind. They’ve been together for so long now that saying good–bye makes him want to scream aloud. When his name is called, his hear lifts a little but he looks at the rest of the faces still hoping for their name to be called and he feels at a loss again. All of the members of All Day get in and he’s grateful for that but he still feels sad for those who don’t’ make the cut.

He sees Junhee hyung wipe Chan’s tears and he hugs both of them.

“Hey, remember what I told you ok,” Junhee tells him when Chan steps away from them. “And call me if you need someone to talk to.” Dong Myeong nods.

“You can always call me too you know. I may be younger but I can listen.”

He smiles at him and steps away.

 

There’s not much time for grieving though, right after their names are called they’re whisked away to prepare for their next performance before they are to go home for a break from the training camp this weekend.

 

 

When he comes back to the dorms, everything feels quiet. The once noisy hallways are still and empty. He feels nostalgic just walking to the designated room. He knows that this is the last time he’s going to be here and the last performance he will ever prepare for, the last team he’ll be joining.

The teams are complete, he feels happy to be joined by Daewon and Euijin and Feeldog. He’s in a different group from Jun. It’s both a blessing and a curse. They don’t spend as much time together. They have different performances they have to prepare for. Dong Myeong didn’t know you can miss someone so much when you’re in the same building, just a couple of rooms apart. Still, he’s so happy with his team. They’re a bunch of beagles, constantly in motion. They support him and teach him what he doesn’t know. It’s a comfort and a distraction.

At night, when they huddle together with the other team, taking comfort in being all together for the last time, Dong Myeong keeps himself from gravitating towards Jun. He watches him instead, commits to memory how he talks to everyone else, how he looks under the fading light, how he surrenders himself to laughter. He’s like a collector, carefully keeping each memory tucked in his mind.

It’s sure to be a path to heartbreak but he can’t keep himself from being happy about it anyway. It leaves a bittersweet taste in his mouth. He’s happy he joined the Unit and got in. Not just because of Jun but because of everything else too. He’s made great friends here. He looks around the room and he realizes that without a shadow of a doubt, he’d still talk to these people. And though his bones ache after every single day, he feels satisfied. He feels himself slowly growing. Sometimes, he looks at the mirror and finds himself gazing at someone so vastly different from who he was before. It makes him so proud.

 

 

When they’re told it’s their turn on the stage, he feels the anticipation building. This is it. This is their final stage. They do this and leave everything to destiny, leave everything on the stage. No matter what happens afterwards, he knows they gave it their all.

“Let’s give it everything we’ve got,” Feeldog’s words ring in the heart of every single one them. It’s a ripple effect of energy going thru them, strengthening their resolve and lightening their steps.

 

The music is all he can hear as they take the stage. The lights almost blind him but the cheers of the crowd make him dance just a tad bit harder, makes him sing just a bit louder. It’s a feeling like never before.

When the music ends and they’re asked to stand on risers as they await for the final ranking, he feels settled, a calm he’s never felt in all other rankings. There’s a little flame of hope burning in his heart, a hope that his name will be called but it doesn’t engulf the peace he feels no matter the outcome. His only wish really is for his Jun to make it. Everyone deserves a place in the top 9. He can’t help to be just a tad bit biased for Jun. And so when Jun is finally called he’s elated.

The only seat left is that of the 9th place and Dong Myeong is positive he won’t be called. When the candidates for the 9th place are shown, he isn’t sad, not really but it is only than that he realizes that there was a part of him that wanted to join Jun in this journey as well. He is happy especially when Chan’s name is called because they’re team mates. But it does leave a bittersweet taste in his mouth, an emptiness. It’s an end of an era, the closing of a book and he’s not included in the next chapter. Still he is happy for everyone. He is. It’s a complicated feeling that he can’t even begin to know how to process.

He hugs everyone he meets because he knows that if he’s feeling bad right now the candidates for the 9th place must have felt worse. Hope snatched away is so cruel. When the announcements are over they flock together, exchanging hugs and promises to meet up later. Dong Myeong watches Jun flit from one to another, giving out hugs and encouraging words. He truly does care for everyone. It makes his heart ache and feel proud at the same time.

And when Jun finally finds him on the stage, he lets himself cling to Jun. He feels Jun’s hand behind his head and it makes him want to weep. Because this isn’t just the end of his dream to be an idol. It feels like the end of an era. It feels like heartbreak. He knows, without a shadow of a doubt that once they leave this stage, it’s over. Jun will move on and shine as a bright star, blinding everyone else with his brilliance and Dong Myeong will watch in the sidelines, silently rooting for him but unseen. He will fade away from Jun’s memory until he’s only remembered as that one kid who was in a band.

And Dong Myeong, well Dong Myeong will remember, he knows that now. Any idea of moving on is absurd because against Jun, everyone else will pale in comparison and even the snippets of moments and memory he has will still be better than anything else he will find in his future. And so he clings to Jun just for the length of a breath and another. He can’t bring himself to speak any soothing words because there aren’t any. Jun doesn’t speak as well but he hears the telltale intake of breath that means Jun’s crying. And somehow it makes Dong Myeong happy that Jun cried tears for him. In that moment he knows that even if he fades from memory, he knows that at least in this moment he was important enough for Jun to have shed tears for him.

Dong Myeong is the first to let go. There are people needing hugs too and he needs to step away from Jun now. It’s not that he wants to but that he needs to otherwise he’ll never be able to walk away. He hugs other contestants whose dreams ended on stage with him, trying their best to keep tears at bay and smile at family and friends and team members.

They’re herded to the back stage after what seems like a lifetime of smiles. Back stage is a flurry of movement. Everyone trying to find their friends and family to properly hug them. Congratulations and sounds of crying fill the air. It’s a mix of emotions and Dong Myeong is caught in the middle of it all.

He sees Jun slumped in a chair, eyes still red, breath still uneven.

Dong Myeong will never be able to tell what possess him to walk up to him. Didn’t he just resolve that he wasn’t going near Jun again? Not if he can help it. But here he is, walking towards him. He stands in front of Jun and hugs him again. This time, it’s Dong Myeong who has to stoop down. Jun’s head rests on his chest. Jun’s arms automatically cling to him, fingers digging at his back. Already he can feel warmth on his clothes where tears are probably soaking it. He sears this image in his memory. DongMyeong knows the tears are not for him this time, this hug and these tears are for Jun and the Unit and the memories and the regrets and all the moments that Jun will miss and all the milestones he has achieved. Dong Myeong is just something to cling on.

He cards his fingers on Jun’s hair, humming a song underneath his breath. Slowly, he feels Jun’s breath even, his arms going slack until it finally falls away. Someone calls Jun. The world is calling for their star. Break’s over. Dong Myeong doesn’t let him go immediately, he lifts Jun’s head and wipes the tear tracks from his cheeks. He gives Jun a smile and in a fit of bravery leans and presses a kiss on his brow. He stays there for a beat, inhaling the scent of hair product and sweat and a hint of the vanilla shampoo Jun favors. He lets himself keep this memory before he finally pulls away and reaches a hand to pull Jun up. Jun’s looking at him with unreadable eyes.

“Congratulations Jun,” he steps away. Turn back. A step and another, a chasm already forming between them.

Dong Myeong is at the end of his rope, he can feel his eyes burning and his heart heavy, breath hitching. He feels someone tugging at his hand before he’s being pulled back and enveloped in someone’s arms. The breath is knocked out of him and he doesn’t’ even have a second to panic before he hears Jun whisper, “Don’t’ be a stranger. I’ll see you soon.” Dong Myeong wants to weep and laugh at that because they will be strangers and they won’t see each other anytime soon. But he can’t bring himself to say anything. All his energy is poured into not crying and hyperventilating.

Jun pulls away and holds him at arm’s length. It’s only then that DongMyeong notices that he’s been clinging to Jun all along, fingers clenched at the fabric of his clothes. He unclenches his fingers and steps away from Jun’s embrace.

“Dong Myeong I—“ Jun looks at him with those unreadable eyes again.

“Jun you need to come out now. We need you there.” One of the staff appears beside them, looking at Jun and insisting he follow at once.

“I need to-“

“Go. We’ll talk later.” Dong Myeong pushes him towards the staff until Jun lets himself be shepherd outside the curtains and into the midst of the adoring fans.

Dong Myeong watches until he can’t anymore. He doesn’t remember much of what happens afterwards. There were hugs from other people. Congratulations for making it into the live and great job out there but Dong Myeong can’t remember them.

 

He can’t remember anything outside of Jun’s embrace.


	2. and all the melodies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They’re doing well if you’re wondering.” Junhee tells him. He doesn’t ask who he’s talking about. He doesn’t need to. “Busy, tired, but mostly okay. The debut’s soon.”
> 
> Now that he hears news about them, questions clamor in his head trying to push their way out and be asked. He sips his hot chocolate instead.
> 
> “You can ask. Chan talks about him constantly.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the late update. I promise I had the story written already but while editing it, I decided to rewrite instead. I haven't looked this over. I honestly just wanted to update this already. Also, I wrote this before I found out about ONEWE so the timeline is different. I don't have the energy to go back and include it. So basically, this is in AU territory. And in my head, people would actually use Gwangsuk instead of Feeldog. Because... of reasons? I don't even know anymore. It's 2 am. I should sleep. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy.

The next thing he knows is him waking up in his room, light streaming underneath the curtains, illuminating everything. So apparently he got home fine. He surveys his room which is less of a mess than usual. His mother probably dropped by to fix it. Everything is in its proper place. But somehow, Dong Myeong feels like nothing is the same. Everything feels skewed somehow. It feels surreal. Like somehow the Unit was just a dream and he finally woke up. Or this is a dream and he needs to get back to reality. He closes his eyes and does his best to go back to sleep.

* * *

 

 

_Empty._

He’s glad to be back home, back with his books and his keyboard and his bed. But if does feel surreal. After the constant motion, he doesn’t know what he’ll do with himself all of a sudden. He’d wake up early just to realize that there is no practice to be had. He’d be thinking of something funny and he’s halfway from looking beside him to tell the joke when he realizes that _No, he’s alone now_.

He’s given a bit of break from having to go into the studio. Some days, he’s grateful for that. He isn’t sure what seeing a studio without the rest of the Unit participants would do to him. He focuses on everything else instead. He uses the time to cocoon himself in music, fingers flying on the keyboard, ears constantly enveloped in headphones. No songs from the Unit though, mostly classical music because somehow, every single song is now about his heartbreak. He’s practicing with keyboarding and trying to expand himself to hopefully write songs in the future. No love songs though. Yeah. The world doesn’t need to know about his heartbreak just yet.

There are days though when he hates the silence even more.

He goes out too, just walks around, watching people and the turn of the season. It’s still cold outside, it makes him curl up on himself and snuggle deeper into his coat but it helps him get out of his head. He sits on a bench in the park and watches everyone passing by. He wonders sometimes what everyone is doing. He wonders if Kijoong is holding up fine now that he doesn’t have his hyungs to look out for him, he wonders how Junhee is now that Chan is in a new group, he wonders if Daewon is happy now that he’s on his path to fulfilling his dream again. Mostly though he thinks about Jun. He wonders if Jun’s even thinking about him, even just a passing thought or if he’s busy with their upcoming debut that nothing else matters.

 

 

When he does go back to work, it’s a real adjustment. The rooms are smaller, filled with instruments for music making instead of endless space for dance practice. He grew up in this room, shared countless days with these people but somehow he feels out of place. The Unit was just a few short months but the days spent inside the camp and the performances has changed him so much he doesn’t recognize himself anymore. It used to be a good thing, a thing for the better but now he’s not so sure. He changed but everything is still the same. He doesn’t know how to fit in his skin anymore.

 

Band practice resumes and he’s at least thankful for the distraction, he needs to focus on the notes and the melody. He’s thankful that his friends understand that it’s an adjustment for him so they don’t call him out when he goes quiet, when he doesn’t join in on discussion, when there is silence where his biting sarcasm used to be. They think it’s because he didn’t get in the final 9, he heard them talking about it when they thought he was so engrossed in the music blasting on his head phones. He lets them believe it because he can’t bring himself to talk to them about it.

Slowly, ever slowly he gets used to the difference. He studies all morning and goes to the studio right after. He starts practicing on the keyboard when the rest are not yet there, fiddling with the keys, chasing melodies. When the rest arrive, he listens to what has to be done that day and does it. When they ask him to go out with them, he begs off, too busy catching up with the lessons he missed.

It’s only been a few weeks but he feels tired, an ache deep in his bones. He finds it difficult to get out of bed in the morning. He feels old and achy. He pushes it down and goes about his day. Over and over and over again.

It’s Cy A who corners him one afternoon before he leaves to go home, a ready excuse of a school project he just has to finish already on his lips. Cy A doesn’t give him a chance to say it though.

“Let’s grab some coffee.” He doesn’t wait for his answer, just grabs his bag and leaves. Dong Myeong is too tired to argue, he follows Cy A out the building and into the coffee shop just across the street.

He doesn’t look up, finding his shoes more interesting than everything else around him. He’s so absorbed in following the patterns on the floor that it’s too late when he notices that Cy A just deposits the bag on a chair right across another chair occupied by one Park Junhee.

He looks to Cy A for help but he just clasps his shoulder then leaves. It’s too late to turn back without it being rude. He can’t do anything but slump on the chair and look at his hands twisting and twinning themselves on his lap.

“You look happy to see me.” Junhee raises a brow at him, a smirk curving on his lips. Dong Myeong can’t force himself to smile. He just wants the ground to swallow him whole right now.  It feels like he was caught doing something bad. He wasn’t. He was minding his own business, doing his best to drown the emptiness like any normal human being would.

“Hey. You ok?” Junhee’s voice is soft it’s almost a whisper. The kindness makes him feel something other than the emptiness that has been his constant companion.

He’s not but he doesn’t need to burden anyone about that.

A waitress approaches their table and place two drinks on the table, a pink colorful drink for Junhee and a mug of something warm for him.

“Well?” he begins once the waitress leaves them.

 “I’m fine.” Too quick. He bows his head and looks at the mug.

He gets a hum in return. When he finally finds the courage to look up, Junhee is steadily looking at the pink concoction in front of him, concentrating on mixing the whipped cream and the chocolate sauce.  

“I’m fine.” The answer catches on his throat but he’s determined to end the conversation as soon as possible but he isn’t even looking at him. He doesn’t understand what this conversation is for. Why are they even here?

The seconds tick by, Junhee doing his best to mix the whipped cream in his drink until it’s more pale pink than it was before, him doing his best not to get up and leave.

When Junhee finally looks up, he just nudges the hot chocolate in his direction. “You should drink that, don’t want it getting cold.”

He gingerly picks up the mug, both hands enclosing the ceramic. The warmth in his hands eases the tension he didn’t realize has been building on his shoulders. Now that he’s noticed, he tries his best to relax them, tries his best to seat on the chair properly instead of just the edge, a precaution should he need to bolt.

The warmth of the hot chocolate settles him. The silence, grounds him, reminds him that Junhee has been nothing but nice and kind and doesn’t deserve his bitterness just because Jun doesn’t-

_Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale._

He takes a sip, the sweetness of the chocolate coats his mouth, the warmth numbing his tongue.

They sit quietly like that, Junhee sipping on his pink drink and him numbing his tongue over and over again.

“They’re doing well if you’re wondering.” Junhee tells him. He doesn’t ask who he’s talking about. He doesn’t need to. “Busy, tired, but mostly okay. The debut’s soon.”

Now that he hears news about them, questions clamor in his head trying to push their way out and be asked. He sips his hot chocolate instead.

“You can ask. Chan talks about him constantly.”

Dong Myeong doesn’t respond, just bites his tongue and purses his lips, too afraid to let the words out. But he does the courtesy of looking up.

“Or we could just sit quietly and not talk to each other. I can do silence too.”

He doesn’t doubt that Junhee would remain quiet if just to prove a point. He’s heard the stories of how determined he can be. They were never in the same team so he can’t exactly be sure, but still, he doesn’t really want to test the validity of the stories.

“How’s your group? A.C.E right?” His throat feels tight and scratchy so he gulps more hot chocolate hoping to clear his throat and hoping to hide behind the mug. He’s sure Junhee knows what he’s doing but chooses to ignore it.

“I think we’re closer now? We were already close before but I guess the separation just made us closer if that makes sense.” It doesn’t. Right now, Dong Myeong doesn’t know if he’s closer to his group or if he’s grown distant to them.

Junhee huffs when he sees his expression. He whips out his phone and scoots closer to Dong Myeong. He just watches it happen, watches Junhee turn from the slightly awkward but extremely kind person to a doting parent in the span of a few seconds. He shows him pictures upon pictures complete with commentaries and anecdotes about each of the member of A.C.E. Junhee talks and talks, shares stories that make him laugh on more than one occasion. (That story about how Byeongkwan ripped his pants will always be his favorite. He isn’t sure how he’s going to react if they happen to meet in the future. And that story about how his birthday cake fell is epic. He’d have to agree with Junhee that it’s Donghun’s fault.)

When Junhee finally finishes showing him pictures and telling stories, it has already gotten dark outside. His hot chocolate is no longer hot and Junhee’s pink concoction looks like paint brush water.

He sits back on his chair and looks at Dong Myeong, a smile on his face, “You feeling better?”

It makes Dong Myeong pause. He’s surprised to realize that he does. He doesn’t feel like he’s going to suffocate any time soon. He feels himself even smiling back at Junhee. He nods.

“Good. It’s getting pretty late, I’m sure your friends are getting worried.”

Dong Myeong just nods again. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to actually leave because he’s not sure if the new found lightness will disappear once he leaves the café.

The night is cool when they finally leave the café. Instead of going off to the bus stop though, Junhee just walks with him, not bothering to ask where they’re going.

“Your friends are worried about you,” he says as they round the corner. “Gwangsuk hyung and Eujin hyung too.” Dong Myeong doesn’t answer because he doesn’t know what to say. Isn’t even sure what to make of the information.

He knows he’s been a bit off lately, too melancholic where he once used to be so loud and energetic. He knows he’s been distant, not exactly jumping at the chance to hang out with his group and avoiding replying or talking to anyone even remotely connected to Jun. What surprises him is the gravity of his impact.

His group was not exactly close to Junhee. He’s guessing they must have contacted Daewon and when Daewon did not receive any reply to the numerous messages Dong Myeong refused to even open, Gwangsuk tried calling him, then Euijin. Sometimes, Dong Myeong would put his phone on airplane mode just so he doesn’t see their names appearing on his screen signaling another call he can’t bring himself to answer.

It isn’t that he hates them. Far from it. He adores them all, will eternally be grateful for showing him the wonder of dance. But talking to them would only remind him of Jun and how he hasn’t seen or heard from him in so long. It’s bitterness and sadness and every single unnamed emotion that keeps him from talking to anyone. Even now, as he and Junhee continue to walk down the familiar road to their team dorm, he can’t bring himself to speak.

“I won’t ask why or force you to talk to them but I hope you at least let your group be there for you. It’s never easy to see your friend suffering and being unable to do anything because you’re being pushed away.”

He keeps quiet, mulls the words and thinks back to the past few weeks. He remembers Ha Rin constantly bringing his favorite food, placing it on his desk whenever he’s too busy go out to eat with them, remembers Kang Hyun always asking him if he wants to go out to visit the mall or the bookstore and once even the zoo. He remembers Yong Hoon’s quiet presence, always asking him if he needs anything or if there’s anything him with and Cy A’s constant fussing. Realizing how they’ve all tried to support him but also give him space, makes his insides knot. He’s ashamed for not realizing it sooner but also grateful at how blessed he is with such friends looking after him.

Junhee doesn’t add anything to the conversation. Dong Myeong thinks it’s a mercy.

When he finally surfaces from the insides of his mind, he sees that they’re nearly at the dorm. He turns to Junhee who has his phone out, probably texting from how his quick his fingers are flying on the screen.

“Thank you,” his voice is a little scratchy from disuse.

Junhee startles and fumbles, his phone nearly dropping on the pavement. Dong Myeong can’t decide if he should laugh or clap. He gets a sneer from Junhee. He just smiles in return.

“Hand me your phone.” He pockets his phone and stretches out a hand to him. At his questioning look, he adds, “So I can actually save my number.” Dong Myeong relents.

“Next time you want to ignore Gwangsuk and Eujin hyung, let me know that you’re okay so they don’t worry themselves to death.” Dong Myeong isn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Not to pressure you or anything but they do worry about you. You don’t have to talk or chat, but it would be good to even send them a _hi_ just to let them know that you’re still alive. And your group, just let them help ok? I’m sure your leader feels really bad that he can’t help you.” Junhee gives him a smile and ruffles his hair. Dong Myeong slowly nods, letting the words sink in.

“I’ll try my best. Thank you.” Junhee just smiles and waves goodbye.

When he finally enters the dorm, he sees everyone crammed in the tiny living room, an English action movie casting the room in bright hues. It’s Ha Rin who notices him first but he doesn’t speak, just pauses the movie and tugs him until he ends up in the middle of a cuddle pile, squished in the midst of everyone. He should stand and apologize for worrying them but they know him too well because they just envelope him with warmth and hits play again. The living room is filled with colors once again, the lines of the movie and their quiet breathing filling the air. Dong Myeong lets himself soak it all in.

 

 

 

The days change after that. The morning isn’t as daunting as it used to be, sometimes, the sunlight waking him from slumber even feels nice. It’s small things, tiny things that make some days good and some even better.

It happens in increments, baby steps, until mostly he feels like himself again. He writes with his band, half-finished songs and melodies. He goes out with his friends, he messages people he misses.

(Except Jun. But has Jun always been the exception.)

In that time, he’s heard that UNB (that’s their name now) has debuted. He did watch the MV but couldn’t bring himself to watch any of their other videos. Seeing Jun in multicolor, even thru the small screen of his phone still makes him blink too fast and makes his heart rumble. It feels like a break-up (not that he’s had any experience with it) even when he knows there was nothing there.

In that time, he graduates and his twin debuts as well. He’s busy most days, music and band practice taking most of his time. He finds that he feels happy most days.

 

  
It takes a month before he finds enough courage to send Daewon a _hi._ He looks at his screen waiting for a message, feeling his heart _thump thump thump._

He doesn’t get a message. He gets a call instead.

“Dong Myeonggieeeeeeee!” Dong Myeong can hear the exclamation points at the end of his name. He feels himself smile.

“Hey hyung.” He begins.

“Ah~ wait, Eujin hyung and Gwangsuk hyung are with me, let me put you on speaker.” The quality of the audio changes, already he can hear the music in the background.

“Ya you’ve finally stopped ignoring me!” Gwangsuk's voice sounds like he’s taken the phone and is speaking directly at the microphone. His smile doesn’t dim though.

“Stop teasing him.” He can already imagine Eujin snatching the phone and placing it in the midst of them. In that moment, he realizes that he has missed them.

“How are you our little Dong Myeonggie?”

“I’m taller than you hyung.” Dong Myeong surprises himself by the giggle that escapes him.

“I am hurt. Deeply hurt. You ignore me for so long and this is how you say sorry,” The words should cut him and make him feel guilty but Gwangsuk’s voice is soft and teasing so he knows that they’re not meant to hurt. Still, he does feel a bit guilty.

“Sorry.”

“Stop it. You’re scaring him,” He hears what he imagines to be Euijin pushing Gwangsuk far from the phone from the sound of scuffling and Gwangsuk’s exclamation of “That hurts.”

It’s Eujin’s voice he hears next. “Don’t mind the shorty.” He can hear Gwangsuk's  _Hey!_ “Congratulations on your graduation! When will we celebrate?”

“Hey he called me, stop hogging my phone.” Daewon injects.

“Are you ok? Junhee said you were feeling a bit down when he visited you, I hope you’re feeling better.” Dong Myeong feels his heart swell.

In the background he can hear Euijin yell for the music to be turned down and someone who suspiciously sounds like Marco say _Got it._

It takes a beat for him to answer, “I am. Thank you.”

“Good.” There is silence at the other end of the line. Dong Myeong has to check to make sure the call didn’t fall through.

“When you’re ready to, just let us know. We’d really want to see you.”

Honestly, Dong Myeong can’t fathom the goodness of the people around him. He knows that he was a difficult person just a month ago. He understands that it was brought on by his… feelings and that he wasn’t in a very good place. And so he’s beyond thankful for the people around him who looked after him and never wavered in support, even the ones he deliberately pushed away.

He takes a breath.

“Thank you.” Daewon doesn’t comment on the scratch of his voice.

He bids his goodbye and disconnects the call. The smile doesn’t leave his lips even though he feels moisture in his eyes.

He’s ok.

 

 

It’s purely by accident, or by Junhee’s machinations, that he meets Chan one August afternoon. He sits at the same café they met a few months ago. Same table. He doesn’t think he’s the same person, not entirely, for one, he’s drinking something cold and shoveling cake in his mouth.

He’s taking a break from the arduous task of finishing their comeback song. It’s not always easy finding the right note to go with the words, not always easy to agree at the direction the song will take. And so, they take a break when everything gets tense or when they’re too tired to even listen to the notes.

The café has become a refuge of sorts. When days are particularly trying, he goes here, orders something and just sits. The girl behind the counter and the barista actually knows him by name now and gives him cookies sometimes. 

The chime of the bell on the door, makes him look up from the triple chocolate wonder cake he’s devouring and sees Junhee and Chan walk in. Dong Myeong freezes as they see him, forkful of triple chocolate wonder just millimeters from his lips.

Chan sees him and smiles at him brightly before bouncing over. Dong Myeong has the presence of mind to put the fork down and close his mouth.

“Oh that looks good.” Chan sits on the chair opposite him and looks longingly at the cake. Dong Myeong isn’t exactly sure what’s happening but he does push the plate of cake closer to Chan. The effect is instantaneous, he smiles so bright Dong Myeong’s reminded of the sun.

Chan isn’t shy about taking a huge bite from his cake. Dong Myeong is too stunned to stop him from nearly demolishing it. It’s Junhee’s _tsks_ when he finally arrives and sees the nearly empty plate that breaks him for his eating spree.

“I told you I’ll get you cake.” Chan just looks up at him and smiles a smile so wide Dong Myeong is a bit afraid that he’ll tear something. But Junhee has no such fear apparently because he’s smiling too. Somehow, he feels like he’s intruding on something even though they’re the ones who actually intruded on his afternoon.

He gives them a second and another but nothing else happens aside from them smiling and staring at each other. He clears his throat and drags his plate away from Chan, making as much noise as possible. Junhee’s startles and Chan giggles. Dong Myeong did not believe it possible for anyone over the age of 10 to giggle but here we are. 

“You owe me cake.” He points to Chan who doesn’t even have the decency to blush, just smiles and tells Jun, “Can you make it two? I ate his.”

Junhee heaves a sigh and leaves again in pursuit of cake. Chan rounds in on him and smiles.

“So, how are you?” Dong Myeong just blinks at him.

“O…k. I was just taking a break from song writing when you came in and stole my cake.”

“You’re getting a new one.” Chan just shrugs.

He just hums in reply, taking a sip from his java chip cooler, chewing the java chips and refusing to start this conversation. It’s not like he’s mad at Chan or that he’s being anti-social, he just doesn’t genuinely know what to talk about.

“You got a haircut! It looks nice on you.”

Dong Myeong did in fact get a haircut. One of his friends told him that it could be good for him, something new to help him turn a new leaf, help him move on. He likes the haircut and the new color.

“Thanks.” They sit there awkwardly for a few more seconds, at least Dong Myeong feels awkward, he can’t really say if Chan feels the same way with how he’s back to eating what remains of the cake, no morsel left behind. Why is this boy so hungry? Do they not feed him? Or is he just this hungry all the time?

He almost thanks Junhee when he finally returns because he fears Chan might actually break the plate with how he’s scraping every last frosting there is. Then again, he remembers that Junhee is the reason for all this to begin with and sneers at him instead.

“I got the cake, I also got some cookies. The girl at the counter said you like them,” Junhee hands him a paper bag with the logo of the café, almost a peace offering. Inside are two pieces of the chunky chocolate chip cookies he does like. He waves to the girl, Cherry, in thanks.

Junhee sets two plates on the table and two tall drinks. He pulls one of the chocolate cake to him and begins to dig in. Junhee just looks amused. In his defense he cannot be blamed for protecting his cake with how he’s seen Chan demolish his earlier.

“So… Congratulations on making the chart. Your song really sounds good.” He tells Junhee as he takes a bite of the cake.

“I know right? It’s not like our old songs but they did really well. And the choreography was really difficult what with all the running around and jumping and the constant motion. Their comeback was really good. I’m so proud of them.” Dong Myeong has the distinct feeling that Chan is selling A.C.E to him.

He’s seen Chan before of course. They were even teammates in one of the missions but he was never this bright. His eyes are wide and sparkling as he finds new ways to compliment his group with the album and the music video and the styling and the composing. Dong Myeong has to blink at the enthusiasm unfolding before his eyes. Although he does remember to nod. Honestly, he’s a bit afraid to find out what Chan will be like if he disagrees.

Beside Chan, Junhee looks like he’s just seen the most beautiful thing in the world with how wide his smile is. And when Chan looks back at Junhee, he smiles too, bright and happy.

Dong Myeong doesn’t need to ask really. He sees it in the way they sit beside each other, not more than a few inches apart, hands always brushing each other if not entirely entwined. He’s happy for them. Truly. It startles him to realize that he isn’t even jealous. Not at all. Mostly, he’s curious as to how it happened, curious about their story unfolded.

“Congratulations to UNB too. You all did really well.” Chan just ducks his head and smiles his thanks.

They chat idly after that. They jump from one topic to another. Dong Myeong’s pretty sure they were talking about socks and sweaters at one point. It’s a surprise how easy it is to talk to Chan. They were groupmates yes but they were never particularly close. His days were mostly filled with practice and trying to memorize everything about Jun. He regrets that now. Chan is bright, not just because he shines like the sun, but because he’s smart, never afraid to share his thoughts. He remembers how he was, on more than one occasion, jealous of Chan and Jun’s friendship and easy conversations. It all seems silly now.

“I know you didn’t like me back then,” Chan tells him as they gather their things. “But I do hope we can be friends.”

Dong Myeong answers with a smile.

 

 

He doesn’t notice it. Not at first. The days nearly blur together with their preparation for their comeback. There are constant practices and photoshoots and application for college filling his days.

He does remember to send messages and keep in contact though. But meeting his hyungs is near impossible. He doesn’t even remember when he’s had a full night of sleep. Although he does his best to support his friends, streaming their songs as he studies late at night.

In the rare lull in his schedule, he finds himself looking up UNB’s videos. Dong Myeong still feels weird, at least at the beginning. He doesn’t exactly know what to feel. There’s an unnamable ache whenever he sees Jun interacting with everyone else. At the same time though, he feels happy; happy for his friends and his hyungs for achieving so much and for living their dream. Sometimes, Dong Myeong still feels butterflies in his stomach whenever he hears Jun sing or sees him dance. Sometimes though, sometimes Dong Myeong forgets that he misses him.

 

 

When their final date for their comeback is released, he celebrates with his friends. It’s been such a long time since there was a certainty that they can perform on stage. With the rise of so many groups, he knows that it still isn’t a guarantee. It’s a chance though and that’s all he could ask for at this point.

 

Their comeback is set during UNB’s last leg of promotions. It should be a comfort because that would mean they probably would get to see each other during music shows. Instead, Dong Myeong feels… he’s not exactly sure what he feels. Whatever it is, he pushes it down. No time to ponder on it anyway.

 

When they finally do perform at The Show on the same day, he does manage to say _hi_ to Chan and congratulate them on their win. To everyone else, he gives a smile and a wave.

It’s not that he’s avoiding Jun. Not really. He just doesn’t actively seek him out. He wouldn’t even know what to say if they do end up talking. At this point, he fears he’d either be too sarcastic that it’ll sound rude or be too awkward that it sounds weird. Either option is not ideal. And so he tries his best not to run into Jun.

The success he feels at avoiding Jun is short-lived though. Afterwards, he feels empty. At the end of it, he’s not sure if he was trying not to run into Jun or if he was waiting for Jun to seek him out.

He gets his answer when he sees Jun with his head thrown back in laughter, clutching at Hansol’s arm.

 

 

“And Marco was so startled he screamed!” Dong Myeong can’t help but snort at that. Eujin’s story telling skills are amazing.

They’ve talked since that first _hi_ he sent to Daewon but they haven’t really had time to meet.

They’re at a pizza and beer place. Euijin hyung’s treat. Dong Myeong thinks this is just an excuse for his hyungs to eat pizza. They’ve been talking about the members of UNB, all their antics and quirks that have been shown especially now that they’re all constantly together, nearing the end of their contract.

“Jun’s doing fine by the way.” Daewon tells him as he takes a bite out of a slice of pepperoni. He does his best not to choke.

“That’s good to hear.” He replies once he’s able to swallow not just the pizza but the lump that has formed in his throat.

Euijin heaves a sigh, closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. He looks like he’s steeling himself for a long conversation. Dong Meyong would find this funny and would tease his hyung for being such a dad but he’s too keyed up by this conversation to even bother making a joke.

“Look we know you like him. You’re not as subtle as you think.” When he looks around, Gwangsuk is nodding his head and Daewon just gives him an encouraging smile.

Dong Myeong doesn’t reply. He won’t insult his hyungs’ intelligence by denying it.

“See, I don’t understand why you haven’t talked to us about it. If it’s acceptance you’re worried about then you don’t know us at all.” Gwangsuk doesn’t even look at him, just rubs circles on Euijin’s back as he continues to talk while eating chicken. He’d be impressed at his hyung’s ability to speak so clearly while eating. But right now, his minds has gone blank.

He doesn’t know how to react to all these. Because _What?_

“What?”

“It doesn’t matter that you like another boy? man? manchild? We just want you to be happy.” Daewon’s eyes are shinning, Dong Myeong fears tears at this point. He reaches out and does his best to comfort him. He doesn’t understand how their conversation turned into this.  

“Uhmm I was never worried about that,” Dong Myeong blurts, trying his best to calm his hyungs.

“Good. So why haven’t you just asked about him? If you say you don’t like him I’m going to hit you with this bottle.” Gwangsuk's face looms over him, swinging a bottle right in front of his face.

“And more importantly, why haven’t you asked him out yet?” Euijin pulls Gwangsuk by his shirt and keeps him seated. Beside him, Daewon has become a nodding machine. Dong Myeong really fears for his neck.

“First, Dewaon hyung please stop nodding, I’m getting dizzy looking at you.” He stops immediately but has now turned beet red.

“Ok. I never told you because it isn’t a big deal.” Dong Myeong can’t look at any of them so he starts peeling the label of his water bottle (the only thing he’s allowed to drink according to his hyungs). “I do like him. A lot. At least I used to like him a lot. But he doesn’t feel the same way.”

Eujin taps his hand on the table. “And you say this because…”

He doesn’t dare look up just stubbornly looks at the label he has now shredded to pieces. “Because he’s Jun. He likes pretty people.”

“You’re pretty. I don’t see the problem.” Gwangsuk says it like it’s a fact. He can already feel warmth on his cheeks at the words.

“Still. If he liked me he would have said something. He’s never shy about saying what he wants to say.” When he braves to look at his hyungs, they’ve begun shaking their heads. It almost looks like it’s choreographed.

“About everything else, Jun is annoyingly confident. Anything that’s even remotely romantic leaves him like a flustered kitty.” Gwangsuk punctuates each point with hand gestures. Beside him, Daewon has started nodding again.

“He goes out with Suwong just fine.” He does his best not to pout.

Gwangsuk just _tsks_ at him and flicks his forehead. He tries to rub the sting away.

He answers with a frown. It’s perfectly reasonable to be just a tad bit jealous. If he has started obsessively following Suwong just to make sure that they’re not going out on non-dates, well nobody needs to know.

“It’s ok.” Daewon hugs him from the side. He easily becomes Dong Myeong’s favorite. Then he adds, “You’re just a jealous jellyfish.” Dong Myeong changes his mind. He doesn’t like Daewon at all. He hates him.  

He hangs his head and prays to the deities that the ground open up and swallow him whole or swallow his hyungs. He isn’t going to be picky.

“I swear you’re both fucking idiots.” Gwangsuk declares. Eujin looks at him with a sneer. Disapproval clearly written on his face.

“I’m not even sorry I swore.” he thumps his head on the table and doesn’t sit up again. Daewon on the other hand has sprawled himself on his chair.

Eujin lets out a long suffering sigh before looking back at him. “I’m not going to tell you what to do. But at the very least he was your friend, it won’t hurt to send him a message.”

Dong Myeong has thought about it. He has, has spent countless nights debating if he should send a message. The many drafts saved on his phone, a different iteration of _how are you_ and _I miss you_ and one extremely bitter _do you even remember me_ , speak testament to this.

But.

“I’ve always been the chasing him around hyung. I’m tired of it. I know it’s immature but somehow I just want to feel to be the one being chased.”

Eujin looks at him. Really looks at him. He must’ve found whatever it is he’s looking for because he nods, slowly. Dong Myeong knows he understands.

Beside them, Daewon lets out a snore.

Eujin heaves a sigh. Time to go home then. He helps get a cab for his hyungs and helps Eujin lead his hyungs to the cab.

Just before Eujin closes the door of the cab, he turns to him, “I do understand. We’re not trying to be pushy. We just want you to be happy.” He bids him good night and closes the door.

He watches the cab drive off into the distance before he heads home, walking the two blocks back to the dormitory.

The October air is frigid but he’s warm enough from the food and occupied enough about the conversation. He hasn’t even thought of a possibility of talking to Jun again. Maybe he will send a message. But not tonight, tonight, he just wants to sleep.

 

 

It’s the turn of another season the fiery orange of autumn gives way to winter. The snow slowly falls on the pavement, painting the city white.

Dong Myeong has started the arduous task of gift shopping early. He remembers he wasn’t really able to give any good gift to his friends and family because he was too busy with the Unit. This year, he vows to change that.

And so, he has taken to visiting the different shops in the city, looking for trinkets and items that would be perfect for the people he holds dear.

Today he’s not exactly looking for anything, he’s just here to pick a gift he already ordered. The shop is an art supply shop tucked between an Indian restaurant and an old bookstores that sells more comics than books. The inside of the shop is bigger than it looks, filled with shelves bursting with paint and brushes and canvas.

He walks up to the counter and tells the lady behind the counter what he needs. She smiles and leaves him to roam around the place. There are other people milling around the place as well but Dong Myeong doesn’t pay them any mind, just walks around and looks at the variety of art materials available.

“I never pegged you for a painter.”

It takes a moment for Dong Myeong to realize that the words are meant for him and that the voice is familiar. When he turns around, he has to _blink_ and _blink_ because what are odds really?

“I could say the same thing.”

Jun smiles at him, the same boyish smile that once made him blush. All at once, every single memory comes rushing back, all the nights spent together, sleeping beside each other, every hug. But where he felt bitter, he just feels peace. It’s a surprise really. He always thought he’d be more of a mess when they see each other again. It’s been months since he’s last seen him, almost a year since they’ve last talked.

Jun still towers over him, still exudes the same aura of kindness he did back then. But he’s also different, his hair is longer and lighter, even his voice has gone deeper.

Dong Myeong just smiles.

The lady behind the counter calls for him. He feels more than see Jun walk behind him. The lady hands him a brown parcel and rings up his purchase.

“So are you leaving the music world for art? Is that why I haven’t heard from you?” Jun says it offhandedly but Dong Myeong bets that if he looks up, he’d see Jun pouting just a little bit.

“It’s for Gwangsuk hyung. Christmas gift.” He explains as he gets his change and starts for the door.

When they reach the door, he turns to Jun and asks, “Aren’t you going to buy anything?”

“Oh… no I was coming out of the bookstore when I saw you go in. I just wanted to… say hi,” there’s a blush dusting Jun’s cheeks. Dong Myeong is convinced this is due to the cold but he still can’t help but smile.

“Hi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... yeah. If you reached this point, thank you for patiently reading. This chapter was a struggle to write because I kept changing direction and tone. I originally wanted it to be lighter and more fun but the angst in me just reared its head and rewrote the whole thing. In the end I just decided to go with this and post it before I decide to change it again. 
> 
> The last chapter will be an epilogue and will be very short but I promise fluff. It's already written and am 100% it's going to be posted really soon. 
> 
> And yes, the Choice in me just can't help but include A.C.E there :) 
> 
> As always kudos and comments are appreciated. If you want to scream at me or want to talk, you can find me in twitter @mysehjunheart


	3. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Go on a date with me?"
> 
> "Finally. Took you long enough."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. this going to be a short chapter and is set a year after the end of chapter 2. I hope you all enjoy. I wasn't able to check for errors and probably won't have time to correct them

_A year later_

 

When Jun finally asks, “Go on a date with me?” it has been a year since they’ve bumped into each other at the art supply shop, well since Jun followed him into the art supply shop and didn’t stop following him for the rest of the day. They’ve been unofficially dating for three months. Unofficially because Jun always uses the term _hang-out_ which Dong Myeong finds both cute and annoying. Honestly, he was on the brink of taking matters into his own hands.

 

They were at the café right across the studio, right at the spot where Junhee talked to him almost a lifetime ago. They’ve met here before of course, a couple of those _hang-outs._ But Dong Myeong can tell that today is just different. Jun has a nervous air about him, almost fidgety.

“Jun. Hey,” Dong Myeong rest his hand on top Jun’s. It’s something they’ve done a couple of times now: holding hands. He can’t remember how it started but it has become commonplace now. Jun sighs, the tension slowly draining from him. He twines their fingers together but still refuses to look up, just stares at their hands in the middle of the table.

Dong Myeong looks at him, not hurrying him from wherever in his mind got stuck in.

Outside, the snow has started to fall. Winter has come early this year, coating everything in white. He traces patterns on Jun’s fingers as he looks outside. Underneath his breath, he hums the new song he wrote.

When Jun finally looks up, he holds on to Dong Myeong hands tighter Dong Myeong looks at him and  there’s determination in the set of his shoulders and a fire in his eyes that he only ever sees before a performance. Right then, at that exact moment, Dong Myeong knows what Jun’s words are going to be or at least an idea of what it’s going to be. It fills him with anticipation, breath getting stuck somewhere between his lungs and his throat.

“Go on a date with me?”

He lets out the breath he has been holding, looks at Jun and just blinks. He knows, has hoped that Jun would just ask him out. These past few months have been grating on his nerves. He may have thought about it was almost 100% sure that Jun likes him back but it’s different somehow to finally hear the words out loud and be sure that it’s real. It’s different to finally hear the words he has been waiting for ever since Jun sat beside him in the dormitory cafeteria of KBS all those years ago.

It takes him a few seconds maybe more before he could respond. In those moments he sees Jun’s shoulder slump by a fraction, feel his fingers twitch, eyes blink quickly.

When Dong Myeong does find his words, he only breathes out a “Finally. Took you long enough.”

There’s a blush dusting Jun’s cheeks when Dong Myeong answers it but his smile is broad, gums showing. Dong Myeong could only smile back.

 

Later that day, as Jun walks him to his dormitory, hands clasped together hidden inside Jun’s coat pocket, he’s started by a quiet huff of a laugher from Jun.

“You know, Kijoong told me something interesting last week.” Dong Myeong just hums his reply.

“He said, you had a crush on me during the Unit.”

“Hmmm…” He looks up at Jun who wears his gummy smile. Against the white of the snow and the darkness of the night, he looks so bright.

“Gwangsuk hyung told me you wanted to date me even before you followed me in the art shop.” He doesn’t even bat an eyelid as he says it. Gwangsuk didn’t actually say the words, but he did imply it once. Of course he didn’t believe it at the time but Jun doesn’t need to know that.

Jun coughs, cheeks pinking. He will never tire of seeing Jun like this. Jun maybe affectionate but he does get flustered too. It’s relief to know that he isn’t the only who still gets flustered. He rests his head against Jun’s arm, leaning just a tad bit closer.

“I did like you even back then. A little… a lot more than a crush.” He whispers into the night. Thankfully, Jun can’t really see him. He’s wanted to say that for a while now.

Jun stops in the middle of the road making Dong Myeong stumble just a little before he’s being dragged in. He feels a familiar weight settle on his shoulders, Jun’s arms encircling him and drawing him closer.

“I’m sorry I was such a fool. It took me a year to find you.” One of Jun’s hand cradles his neck and it reminds Dong Myeong of the day he said his first goodbye to Jun, right at the stage surrounded by so many people. He felt his heart break then, splintering into a tiny million pieces.

Now though…

Now all he feels is warmth. Warmth and peace settling over his mended heart.

There are people milling about, eager to escape the cold, but Dong Myeong doesn’t even see them. There’s only him and Jun and the snow softly falling.

He buries his face on Jun’s chest.

There are so many words he wants to say. He wants to tell him that the wait was difficult, there were times when he felt like he wouldn’t survive. He wants to tell him that the wait was good too, made him see life in a different light, forced him to grow and be a better person for it. He wants to tell him that he’s so thankful that Jun followed him to the art shop a year ago and didn’t stop following him. It was at that moment, right as he said “Hi” that all the puzzle pieces started fitting together.

Throughout the year, between midnight calls and sudden trips, they learned each other again, learned each other better than before. He’s seen Jun stressed over a comeback, has seen him without sleep because of filming, has seen him so ecstatic over a first win, has seen him proud over his song placing in the charts.

In the midst of it all Dong Myeong fell in love again, picked up right where he left off.

He wants to say so many things but could not find the words.

He clings tighter to Jun instead.

 

 

Dong Myeong finds out for himself that loving Jun from afar and actually being in a relationship with him are two very different things. For the most part, Jun is generous with his affection to the point of being clingy. Dong Myeong, who used to crave for any contact, is overwhelmed with the amount of casual touching whenever they’re within touching distance and the constant communication when they’re not.  An arm on his shoulder, fingers twinned together, hugs and kisses, a call every morning and every night, texts throughout the day.

For another, Jun doesn’t believe in keeping it under wraps from their friends. He’s so proud to announce it to everyone which is why they’re here. They haven’t even been together for a month and he’s holding a dinner for their UNB friends and their plus ones.

“I know you’re in love but please stop being so disgustingly sweet. I’m losing my appetite just looking at you.” Gwangsuk tsks at them before he swallows a large bite of pizza.   

“If we’re so disgustingly sweet, you can put down the pizza and leave. That’s my food you’re eating.” Jun replies as he pulls Dong Myeong closer to him, twining their fingers.

“Yes hyung, you can go ahead and leave, I’ll eat your share instead.” Kijung snatches the pizza from Gwangsuk’s hand. Euijin laughs beside him, dangerously leaning on Seyong who just looks amused. In the kitchen, Daewon is yelling for Hyunggeun to stop eating the chips before it even reaches the table. Beside him, Hansol just munches on chocolate that’s supposed to be their dessert.

Beyond the living room, Dong Myeong can hear Chan let out an enthusiastic, “Finally!” then proceed to drag a harried looking Junhee into the room. He’s carrying a bottle of wine which he holds up in offering to them. Junhee sits beside him on the couch, Chan next to him, or more accurately on top of him.

Kijung, still holding the pizza he snatched from Gwangsuk looks at them and wrinkles his nose, “Gwangsuk hyung is right.” He shudders dramatically. It’s Junhee who throws a pillow which, props for him, actually hits Kijung on the face making him let go of the pizza.

Chan laughs delightedly and Seyong shouts in outrage. Beside him, Jun laughs and laughs. Dong Myeong laughs with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it. that's the end. I had a lot of fun writing this story. I haven't exactly written in a while, and nothing this long. I don't know yet if i'm ever going to expand on this story. as of the moment, this is the end. I MAY write a junchan side story but that's not sure yet. 
> 
> anyway, I want to thank everyone who has left a kudos and a comment. it really does mean a lot to me. :)


End file.
